


better, better

by mourningafter



Series: lover is a day [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, ChanLix, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, Unknown feelings, aussie line, chan is a workaholic, chan is in love with felix, felix loves to dance, slight changlix, stray kids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 14:55:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18236426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mourningafter/pseuds/mourningafter
Summary: minho almost scoffs at that. "crash? harder than you already have? chan… you're in love with your best friend. it's not easy to get over someone who is that close with you. let me help.""i already said you could," he muttered back.the younger smiled, yet it felt like it didn't quite reach his eyes. "i know. i think you need to talk to felix about it soon, just put the crush right out in the open. admit it and don't expect him to say he likes you back or that he doesn't. just tell him and let him figure out what he wants.""he won't want me. i'm just a workaholic obsessed with school. he takes care of me more than i take care of him, and i'm older," chan is now at a railroad. he didn't do enough for felix, he was realizing. was he even worth any kind of affection, then?the kitchen went silent, and chan tried to listen to what the others were doing in the living room. the tv droned with voices, and he could practically hear seungmin giggling, probably over his boyfriend that was passed out. next he heard felix, his voice soft and low, but he couldn't quite hear what he was saying."but i want to."





	better, better

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my first stray kids fanfic! there's not a lot of chanlix content on here, and i decided for my first one i would keep it simple. 
> 
> the title is from day6's song "better better"

it seems like forever ago. the last time he let himself realize that he honestly needed help getting through his studies, his emotions, his life.

chan can safely say that he feels like he's drowning in work. all the homework that comes with his classes, the ones that he doesn't understand but is too afraid to ask for help. because he's chan, he shouldn't need help. at least, that's what his parents used to drill in his head. he could always figure these things out on his own, and if he didn't, it was his fault for not attempting to understand hard enough.

however, it was slowly getting harder to focus. his anxiety was always at an all time high whenever his teachers announced a test the next week, a pop quiz, or some form of project that needed completed quickly; he felt like he had no time to focus on himself. what was self care at this point? all he knows is greasy brown hair, tired eyes, and a heart that felt like plummeting every single second of every single day.

his back hurt from sitting at his desk in the dorm room for hours. he wanted to sleep, the boy almost dozing off against his hand every few seconds. but he fought himself awake, not wanting to disappoint his teachers or his friends for that matter - the friends he hasn't made time for in the longest time, who probably felt like he no longer cared.

that was the trouble with school. they were all struggling, except he was struggling harder than the others because he let himself get distracted. whenever his roommate was home, it became a contest to not let his eyes drift over and take a look. being in love while trying to focus on school was the worst thing ever, chan decided.

now, focusing on some calculus homework was difficult. the boy just wanted to sleep, curl up on his bed and find himself in some sort of dream land. he wants to cry at the lack of proper care, but he knows it's his fault. his head reminds him that he needs to try harder, worry less, get through the days and stop crying over spilled milk.

the door to the dorm opens and felix comes in, his red hair a mess on the top of his head. a smile is gracing his lips, ear to ear, sparkles in his eyes that match his constellations of freckles on his cheeks. chan's eyes flicker up to meet his, and feels himself grow suddenly self conscious.

he looked like a mess while felix looked like an angel. 

"hey, chan hyung," felix speaks, his australian accent thick in his voice. he wanders over to his bed and takes a seat. "studying or homework?"

chan shrugs at this point. "i can't tell anymore. is that bad? i've been staring at this dumb paper for what feels like forever." he shifts in his seat, putting his head in his hand. "i'm exhausted and i'm admitting it."

a small laugh comes from felix at that, tilting his head slightly. red hair falls across his forehead, and chan really wants to reach out and brush it away. he knows the kind of affection that felix enjoys (from watching him interacting with their friends), yet he's always been afraid of getting close to him. this crush was going to tear him apart.

"it is bad, but i understand you," the younger says. he stands back up and makes his way to the desk. with one look at the paper, he scrunches his nose. "i thought i could help but i most definitely can't."

chan laughs now, closing his eyes. "didn't expect you to."

"doesn't mean i wish i could!"

the boys sit in silence until felix's phone beeps, indicating someone texting him. his eyes looked across the screen, reading the message. chan watches him. felix's eyes were so pretty, they looked like they held the stars that his cheeks provided. 

"that was minho. he was wondering if i wanted to come to dinner tonight with the rest of the boys," felix announces. 

chan feels his heart fall. they were all going out and he got no invitation. was it because they just expected him to always be busy? did they think he didn't want to spend time with the best people in his life? his chest clenched as he nodded. 

he tries to not let his voice waver. "you should. i guess i'll just stay here and try to figure out this shit."

felix shakes his head. "you know that i think you should come along. you need out of this room." his eyes travel around, taking in their room.

the desk was a mess of papers and pencils, some candy wrappers here and there. there was an empty water bottle sitting on the edge of the desk, having been finished over an hour ago. he took in how tired chan looked, dark circles around his eyes. his hair was a mess, but not quite in the good way.

"you know what i think? i think you should hop in the shower, throw on some clean clothes, and come with us. i can text the guys and tell them that you needed a break," felix offers, his eyes full of hope now. he wanted his best friend to join them, he hasn't taken a break from school to hang out with them in what feels like years.

chan hesitates. a break sounds amazing, like the best thing the world has to offer (besides anything with felix), but he knows how bad this could affect his progress. if he tagged along, his homework would never be completed and he would fall behind even worse. part of him wanted to tell felix that he was stuck here, there was no way out - but the other wanted to listen to his friend, do what was suggested.

he bites his bottom lip. "would the guys really be okay with it?"

"are you kidding?" felix exclaims, jumping back up. "of course they would! of course i would be okay with it. we've been waiting for a time when you wouldn't be busy so you could join us. we really want you to hang out with us." he falls quiet, staring at chan. "please come with us, hyung. it would mean a lot to all of us. i promise you."

that's how chan found himself in a comfortable black hoodie and wet hair. he wanted to sleep more than anything, but going out to spend time with his friends and eat some food sounded heavenly. he bet that they would let him sleep, too, since they cared about his presence so much.

the two left the dorm, felix having sent a text to minho to tell him that their friend was tagging along. minho responded in all caps, excitement shown over text, which made chan laugh. minho was really another person who really cared and wanted to spend time with him, and it made his heart flutter just a little bit. knowing someone cared always made chan feel a little special.

felix was telling chan something about what seungmin did in class the day before, and chan swears he was trying to pay attention. it was just hard when all he could see was the way felix gestured with his hands, so pretty, and how his voice came out. felix was going on and on, not that chan could complain, because he loved spending time with the boy. in fact, chan could easily say he was thankful for the boy.

over the past few months, felix has taken care of him in the smallest ways. words of encouragement that fell off his tongue, his fingers coming in contact with his shoulders to try and massage the stress out of them, bringing home takeout whenever he knows the older can't find the strength to get away from his schoolwork; it was all so caring, like he knew exactly what chan was going through and what he needed. 

"-and so then, she finally kicked him out," chan heard felix say, and chan's eyebrows lifted. "i was laughing and jeongin was on the floor, and all seungmin could say was 'okay, i'll see you tomorrow!' and left."

"he's going to get his ass beat one of these days and we're all going to laugh," chan said. "he's wild sometimes."

felix nods. "of course he is! he has jeongin as a best friend and minho teaches him things on the daily. but that poor chair is no more, and seungmin finds that hilarious."

they stop outside another dorm room, and felix only knocks once before the door swings open and minho is right there. a smile appears on his face when he meets chan's eyes, clearly still happy that the older boy decided to join them and spend time with them. "i'm glad you could make it, chan," he says, reaching forward to pull him into a hug. chan laughs and hugs him back, thankful for the physical contact.

"thanks for allowing me to show up," he responds easily, only causing minho to hit him on the shoulder as felix slips into the apartment to find seungmin. 

"don't be stupid, idiot," minho jokes. "you're always welcome here. i'm glad you could get away from that desk for a few hours. your eyes scream that you need sleep, though."

chan shrugs. "yeah, but i'm hungry and felix mentioned food. so tell me where i can eat so i can lay down and fall asleep." 

he enters the dorm with his friend, happy to see all their friends look up to meet his eyes. jisung looked happy to see him there, his eyes widening as he yelled, "hyung!" which only cause minho to look at him really fast. chan didn't fail to notice it at all, and chuckled, making minho mutter under his breath about how chan didn't understand.

woojin looked away from the tv and sent chan a wave, hyunjin in tow. jeongin was passed out against the arm of the couch, his head leaning against woojin's shoulder as he snored quietly, making chan smile. seungmin waved as well, looking away from telling felix another story. changbin was also asleep on the floor, one of minho's throw pillows pulled up to his chest as he slept.

"so, initially tonight was movie night," minho started, leading chan into the kitchen, "but jeongin and changbin both passed out before i could get one started. so woojin is just watching some drama that i have no interest in."

chan raised his eyebrows again. "why don't you turn something else on?"

minho grinned at that. "well, woojin likes dramas and hyunjin doesn't really, yet he's keen on watching them since woojin turned them on. see where i'm going with this?"

"you think hyunjin likes woojin?"

"certainly do!" minho declared, throwing open his fridge and grabbing a water bottle. "what about you? any interests? or is school really just overthrowing your life and not letting you breathe for five minutes?"

the older falters for a second, thinking about it. was he really going to tell minho about his crush on felix, or was he going to just hold it in and never speak about it? it's not like he would ever act upon such a thing, the thought of losing his best friend giving him too much fear to even consider it.

"ah, you do. you're thinking too hard about it," the younger points out, taking a swig of the water. "so… who is the lucky soul? some girl or some dude?"

a soft red blush dusts across chan's face; he never intended to tell anyone about the crush or even what gender they were. when he looks up to meet minho's eyes, however, it comes out before he can think about it for another second.

"guy," he breathes. "he's a guy and i need help, minho."

not that he would ever admit, but minho feels warm with those words. chan, being the person he was,  _ never _ requested help, even if it was just for some small crush on some dude. but here he was, personally asking his good friend to help him out, and minho couldn't find a reason to ever say no to something like that.

he nods and grabs one of chan's hands, giving it a small tap. "of course i'll help. do you feel comfortable enough telling me his name?"

they're speaking in hushed whispers. minho doesn't feel like outing chan, and on the second hand, chan doesn't want anyone to know he even has a crush anyway. chan was always about school. he talked about school and about his future, always did schoolwork while they all hung out. he helped everyone with their own whenever he found time, and honestly, it was a little saddening. chan needed to get away from school and explore himself, figure out the other aspects that his life held.

the older boy hesitates. he doesn't know. what if felix found out later and was completely disgusted? it wasn't very likely, but the possibility was still there, so it didn't feel right. "i don't know. i want to, but for the first time in a while, i think i'm scared."

the realization dawns on them both, and minho nods. "of course. is he in our friend group at least? i promise, no one will ever know about this. this is between you and me, chan. and i mean that." the sincerity in his voice makes chan suddenly feel okay with the secret. he trusts minho; he was always helping him when he didn't even know it. 

him and felix were alike in that way.

"it's felix," chan finally whispers, looking down to his feet. "i think i'm falling in love with him. i don't know what to do."

minho sucks in some air, surprised but not. chan liking felix almost felt predictable to him, like it was meant to happen sooner or later. he didn't want to tell chan this, make him feel like he's being too obvious and needs to shy away from felix and keep his distance, so minho forms a line with his mouth.

"oh. i'm surprised," he says, looking at his friend. "how long have you liked him?"

chan pauses, part of his head hurting. he didn't want to talk about his crush on felix anymore, because he knows it won't ever happen. "since felix and i got paired for dorms. you know we were all just friends before then, but living with him is different, minho. he's totally different when you're alone with him. he has this caring nature that he loves to show when there's nobody else around. he's like an angel i didn't know existed," he's rambling about him now. "his eyes and freckles compliment each other so much. his freckles are like the constellations in the night sky and his eyes are the leftover stars that didn't quite make it with them. when he laughs, it's like a part of me comes back to life and i'm not scared anymore. i just don't know what to do because i can't be with him."

"why can't you? seungmin and jeongin-"

"they're young," chan cuts in. "young and in love and perfectly okay. i'm older and shouldn't ditch my schooling just because i'm in love. what if i crash?"

minho almost scoffs at that. "crash? harder than you already have? chan… you're in love with your best friend. it's not easy to get over someone who is that close with you. let me help."

"i already said you could," he muttered back.

the younger smiled, yet it felt like it didn't quite reach his eyes. "i know. i think you need to talk to felix about it soon, just put the crush right out in the open. admit it and don't expect him to say he likes you back or that he doesn't. just tell him and let him figure out what he wants."

"he won't want me. i'm just a workaholic obsessed with school. he takes care of me more than i take care of him, and i'm older," chan is now at a railroad. he didn't do enough for felix, he was realizing. was he even worth any kind of affection, then?

the kitchen went silent, and chan tried to listen to what the others were doing in the living room. the tv droned with voices, and he could practically hear seungmin giggling, probably over his boyfriend that was passed out. next he heard felix, his voice soft and low, but he couldn't quite hear what he was saying.

"but i want to." 

minho almost doesn't hear the words, but yet, he does. his eyes flicker to chan, who looks like he wants to cry, and honestly, minho doesn't know if he can deal with that.

chan, someone who never lets anything overtake him. chan, who never asks his friends for help but can help them whenever he finds time. chan, who always declared school came first over everything else - finally broken over a  _ boy _ , and minho can't believe it had to be felix for this to happen.

so he pulls his friend to his chest and reassures him that it will be okay; they'll get felix to understand and hear, and everything would be okay.

  
  
  
  


everything was not okay.

a few days after chan told minho about his crush, he got a text from the younger boy telling him that they were all going to hang out again. except if chan didn't go, he would regret it, because he was going to make felix dance.

it was a good weakness of chan's, watching felix dance. the boy was always so graceful, and liked to laugh whenever he stumbled even a little bit. chan thinks there's no possible way he could fall further in love with his best friend, but here he was, at some studio, with some song playing, and felix dancing in front of him.

in the corner, seungmin and jeongin were giggling; but it wasn't the 'in love' giggles, it was more of the mischievous kind that put chan on edge. perhaps he was scared that minho did end up telling somebody else and it all snowballed, but when the worst they could do was hide felix's phone in seungmin's back pocket, he stopped worrying so much and paid attention to the way felix moved.

his eyes followed the younger's every move, the music changing yet felix finding a new way to dance. sometimes his movements were choppy, as he was still learning, but chan was easily impressed. the boy was pursuing his dreams the same way the other australian was trying to pursue his own, and it made him look at felix in another light.

admittedly, chan often forgets that people also have their own dreams. too caught up in his own, he fails to see how hard his friends work at the things they love. felix disappearing from the dorm every afternoon to practice even harder, to try harder, to get where he wants to reach; chan almost forgets. 

yet, it was so beautiful. the way that felix worked just as hard as chan, even if they worked at different things. while chan worked for the academic side, grades and brains, felix worked on the art side, grace and precision. both in desperate searches for something they can spend their life loving and chasing after.

a sharp pain in chan's side made him whip his head, glaring at minho. "you're staring," minho whispers. "if you really aren't ready, don't make it too obvious."

chan looks away from his friend. "i always stare. he doesn't mind it, he doesn't know." he's reassuring himself at this point. "he doesn't need to know yet, either." he tilts his head and watches as felix dances to  _ when you love someone  _ by day6. his movements are full of story and he sends a smile at chan when he catches his eye.

the older boy feels his ears go warm.

soon, they're all packing up to go to a small arcade that they often visit on down time. on the way there, chan walks next to the red haired boy, eyes trained on the ground as felix talks with hyunjin. his friends are loud around him, and he almost wishes it was just him and felix spending time together.

there's a lot that chan wants. he wants to hold felix's hand and rub circles in to the back of it. he wants to hug him closer, bury his face into his neck. he wants to cuddle, wants to run his hands through felix's soft hair, he wants to just hold him and touch him. he wants to pinch his cheeks and presses into his lips, and it's almost shocking about how much chan wants.

but he can't have it. he can't tell felix something that could make them fall apart, no matter what minho says. minho was almost in the same position, how could he talk? all chan wanted was felix, and that was hard enough.

upon reaching the arcade, felix was quick enough to wrap his fingers around the older aussie's wrist and drag him through the doors. chan was quick to laugh, letting the younger pull him and hearing music all around them once more. this time more upbeat, but still something he would forever love.

everyone breaks off into small groups, and chan finds himself with felix and changbin. changbin and felix immediately almost  _ cling _ to each other, and it makes chan want to throw a fit about how felix should cling onto  _ him _ , but he doesn't open his mouth.

as they play games, it only gets worse. changbin is saying things that only felix can hear that either makes the redhead laugh or blush pink, and chan wishes he could see the boy blush in different circumstances. he feels his heart deflate everytime felix ignores him trying to catch his attention, and suddenly, he's invisible to his two friends and playing games alone while changbin and felix speak under hushed breaths and silent giggles.

when chan walks away, the two fail to notice. he stumbles upon jisung and minho not long after, happy to see that minho's hand was on the small of jisung's back as he talked him through how to throw a basketball properly. jisung had a smile plastered to his whole face as he threw the ball and made it into the hoop, jumping up and down before high fiving minho.

he was almost jealous. jealous that minho was easily making jisung slowly fall in love with him while he struggled to catch felix's attention long enough to slowly tell him through his actions about his feelings. it was hard, chan decided, to be in love.

minho finally noticed chan standing behind him and smiled at him, gesturing him to come over. the older made his way to the two and took a seat on a bench, minho sitting beside him as jisung continued to throw the basketballs.

"what's up? you look a little beaten," minho observes, concern almost reaching his voice. chan just shakes his head.

"do you ever wonder if jisung is in love with somebody else?" he asks, quiet enough so that minho can't hear. after a moment of hesitation, minho nods. "well, i think felix is in love with someone else. changbin."

minho stops for a second. "what? he's not in love with changbin.  _ changbin _ is in love with changbin!"

a laugh comes from the older, but it's forced. he can see the two giggling from where they're sitting, and minho follows his sight before he finally sees what chan is talking about.

"oh," he mumbles. "that's… weird."

"weird?" chan scoffs. "they've been like this forever, how am i just now noticing this? they're always clinging and hugging and whispering. it hurts more than i thought it would, minho."

minho sighs. "i'm sorry, hyung. i don't think they feel things for each other like that, but they do look like they're in love, huh?"

"not helping."

a shrug and then silence, besides the music. chan wishes he enjoyed these moments of silence he seems to have with minho after talking about feelings, yet he just hated them instead. he didn't like that they both never had anything to say after an upset moment, they're just both confused about what to do. 

"do you think you'll ever actually tell felix?"

chan takes in a deep breath. "i want to. i told you that before. i'm just afraid of ruining what i already have with him. he's my best friend and i don't want to accidentally hurt him. especially if he's already in love."

happy with the reply, minho nods. "but if you knew for sure that they weren't in love, would you tell him?"

"what are you planning?" chan narrows his eyes, turning to look at his friend. "don't do something stupid that could hurt me later, dumbass."

"i never do anything stupid!" minho yells, which makes jisung start laughing. "okay, so maybe sometimes i do. doesn't mean you two can just call me out like that. i won't do anything stupid, okay?"

"sure, jan," chan tries to joke, but it almost falls short when he looks back at felix and changbin and watches as changbin presses a kiss against the young boy's cheek. chan can feel something shatter in his chest. "oh."

minho grabs chan by his shoulders and pulls him into a hug like he did the night before, almost surprised when he hears something come from chan's throat. the older boy finally lets himself feel something, and minho is happy that he's feeling these emotions instead of locking them away for forever.

"it's okay, channie," he whispers, looking over at jisung, who has an eyebrow raised like he's confused. minho looks at him sadly before looking at chan as if to notion that the boy just needed someone right now. "we'll get through this, okay? it's okay to feel love. it's okay to feel heartbroken. as long as afterwards, you do something to help it."

chan soaks in his friend's words and lets himself clutch the back of minho's shirt. "i'm sorry, minho. thank you so much."

"that's what i'm here for. and you can't get rid of me," he tries to lighten the mood, letting himself and chan pull apart. "now breathe. we'll figure this out, and your crush won't go unnoticed. i promise you."

"i don't think i want him to know anymore. he seems happy," chan tries to argue back, feeling tears sting behind his eyes.

minho shakes his head. "no. if someone had a crush on you, wouldn't you want them to tell you? you don't have to pursue a relationship, you can just get it out into the open. it's a way of getting over someone. accepting and moving on," he tells him. "all you have to do is tell him. if he says he's with changbin, then you find a way to move on. maybe you'll continue to love him after, but at least you can fall in love with someone else without feeling guilty about a past love."

the words are true, in some way. chan can feel himself nod and then fall back into his friend, and pretty soon, there's more arms wrapped around him and he's being cradled between two bodies. he doesn't have to look up to know that it's jisung with the way he whispers, "whatever is going on, i'm here for you, hyung."

chan feels safe.

  
  
  
  


"i can't go in today," chan coughs out the next morning when felix wakes him up suddenly. he ignores how his stomach clenches at the sight of the boy, not wanting to look away from his eyes. "i think i got sick from the arcade."

so felix ends up leaving, making chan all alone in the dormroom. he had the whole day to figure out how he wanted to tell felix, what he wanted to say to his face. ask him about changbin, ask him how they could ever work out - if felix even wanted to, that is.

silence is nice. it's been a while since it's just been him alone with his thoughts. his friends have been everywhere lately, always around him. especially minho, since he was the one person who knew about the felix situation. yet, chan found himself wanting to tell someone else, someone that wasn't felix or minho.

just needed to let it spill onto someone else.

nothing comes to his head as he picks up around the room, hearing his phone go off with his friends concerned texts, asking him if he was super sick and if they needed to pick up his homework so he didn't freak out later. he sent quick replies, saying he'll get it later, and went back to what he was doing.

as soon as his bed was made, the desk was organized once again, and the floor was cleared, he breathed. it felt good to feel so accomplished over something so small, finding himself being able to have a clear head with a clean room.

"come on, chris," he tells himself, taking a seat at his desk with a pencil in hand. "all you have to do is tell him how you feel. it can't be that hard."

so he starts writing.

  
  
  
  


"is anyone home?"

felix is standing at the door, confused as to why the dorm was picked up (and cleaned quite nicely), and why there was no sign of his sick friend, who he left here this morning.

setting his bags down on the floor, felix makes his way around the room, taking in everything. chan's black comforter was tucked under the mattress, his bed perfectly made. with a glance at the desk, felix noticed how clean it was, homework set in a neat pile on the side.

he was confused as to where his friend was.

as if to answer his questions, he heard a sound from the bathroom, and out came chan in a towel wrapped around his waist. 

if he could help it, felix wouldn't have turned so red. he would've raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes at his best friend, but instead, blood rushed to his face as he turned his head away. chan yelped almost, surprised to see felix standing there out of nowhere; it was scary.

"i am so sorry," the older says, hurrying to his dresser. "i haven't been watching time and didn't know you would be home quite yet. hold on, i'm going to go change."

all felix could do was nod his head and wait for the bathroom door to close to let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. hsi eyes flickered to the closed bathroom door, thoughts running wild. he was surprised chan wasn't watching time, since that was something he was well known for doing.

when he came out of the bathroom, felix finally found himself smiling, happy to see how healthy his best friend had started to look. even though he was a coughing fit this morning, he looked better than he did a few days ago. his hair was no longer greasy, and instead a mess but fluffy. the dark circles under his eyes were beginning to slowly fade, and felix swears that the australian's eyes sparkled a little bit.

"hi, again," chan jokes, walking further into the dorm room. "how was school, lix?"

the younger clears his throat. "it was, uh, good. very good. i took dance practice off because i thought you were sick and would need someone to come take care of you. i guess you're okay though."

this was perfect. felix was going to be home all night, and chan already asked minho to make sure no one invited the two anywhere. he was going to do it. tonight, chan was going to fill his guts to his best friend and hope for the very best in return.

"oh!" chan takes a seat on his bed. "well, then i guess you and i can have some quality hang out time. what do you say?"

he doesn't quite know where this confidence is coming from. he's never been one to prepare the plans or ask for someone to join along, which came as a pleasant surprise to felix, who nodded happily. it would be a night for the two of them, and felix was more than excited now.

"we can watch some marvel movies," chan suggests, looking up to the ceiling. "have some popcorn, talk. just do things we haven't done together in a while."

felix grins. "sounds good, hyung. we can start as soon as i get into comfier clothing."

it only took him a minute or two to appear in some pajama shirts and some t-shirt that hung off his body. chan liked baggy clothing on felix; sometimes it looked like he would just drown and disappear in them. which is why he loved it when the smaller boy stole things like his hoodies for a day or for dance. he just looked so tiny and amazingly beautiful. also, chan just loved felix in his clothes.

they settled on  _ black panther  _ as the first movie, shutting off the overhead lights and settling into the couch cushions. chan leaned into the back, his feet up on their coffee table, while felix curled up against the arm of the couch. 

he didn't like how far away felix was, but he would settle.

as the movie started, chan kept looking over at his best friend. it was becoming harder to not stare at him often; there wasn't a single thing that he disliked about him. felix has always been pretty, has always caught his attention, has always meant more to him than any other of his friends, which chan felt bad for.

there was something that felix had. it was the way he held himself, the way he smiled at chan when no one was looking. there was a glint in his eyes that screamed that he held the key to happiness, that he was happy and that was all that mattered. his lips curling up in those sweet smiles, giggles and laughs falling from his plush lips, and all chan wanted to do was have those lips to himself, kiss them silly, find a home within felix. 

he didn't realize he was still staring until felix looked over to catch his eyes, not even shocked that the older was looking at him. their eyes locked and chan took in how beautiful felix's eyes were, once again. was chan really in love with felix, or his eyes? there was something comforting, something beautiful in the way felix looked back at him.

"hi, hyung," is all the other aussie whispers, and chan soaks in how his voice sounds. felix has had a deeper voice since they met, and at first, it didn't seem to match his small frame and baby face. but now, it seemed like it was the only sound fitting for such a boy, complimenting his soft eyes and his beautiful smile. 

"hi."

felix tilts his head to the side only a little, and chan has to refrain from making any sort of noise when felix's red hair slightly falls over with it. he's beautiful, ethereal,  _ divine _ ; and chan would never say he wasn't.

chan takes a deep breath before his next words, "i need to tell you something. but it's just between you and me, okay?"

a furrow of eyebrows, confusion written on his face; felix is now worried that chan is going through something without him knowing. he sits up immediately, hand reaching out to grab the tv remote and pause the movie. once the film is paused, he glances back at his best friend who was now looking down at his lap, blinking, almost hesitating.

"what's going on?" felix asks, pulling his legs up to his chest and turned to make sure he stayed looking at chan. "is something bad happening? does anyone else know? do you hate me all of a sudden?"

the questions come really fast, clear that felix's anxiety was climbing up, fearing the absolute worst from what chan has to say. "no!" chan is quick to shut the questions down, fearing that felix would send himself into a panic attack if he kept asking questions that made it sound like he did anything wrong.

he breathes out. "you did… you did do  _ something _ , but it wasn't…" chan searches for the right word. "but it wasn't something that would make me leave you. i'm your friend, possibly your best friend? you haven't done anything bad."

"but i've done something?"

"yeah," chan nods, running a hand through his hair. "you did. but before i start, i just want to ask you something."  
"anything," felix replies, eyes searching chan's. "i'm like, extremely worried now."

chan sends him a small smile. "don't be. it's about you and changbin. are you guys dating or something? i'm sorry if i assumed, i just saw you guys at the arcade-"

the look on felix's face makes chan pause. the boy has a small smile on his face as well, now. he reaches forward and puts his hand on chan's knee as he speaks, "no, changbin and i aren't dating. are you talking about the cheek kiss?"

"yeah," he breathes out, trying not to falter at felix's hand on his knee. he feels like he should reach out and grab it, hold his fingers. it feels so tempting, and chan does it.

when he grabs ahold of felix's hand, the younger is quick to tighten his hold; not enough to hurt chan (not that he would ever, or really try to), but to send him some reassurance. something they both seemed to need at this moment.

"so we're finally having  _ this _ talk, huh?" felix questions silently, feeling warmth take over his chest. "we're on the same page? it wasn't just me?"

this could mean anything, chan thinks. he could mean that chan's also noticed his crush on changbin, it could mean anything. so all he can do is nod, and wait for felix's next words to hit his ears, wash over him. he could take anything and walk away with a lie if it's not what he really wants; make up some kind of a lie about how he was happy for changbin and him, even though he felt like his heart was going to shatter against his ribcage.

a giggle hits his ears, and chan smiles at the sound. felix's laugh was always beautiful, one of his favorite sounds for sure. if he could listen to it on repeat, he most definitely would.

"i'm so happy. i thought i was the only one. i've talked to minho about this and it's been so hard, you wouldn't believe!" felix continues, and at the mention of minho's name, chan looks up, confused. minho knew something and didn't tell him? "this is… this is amazing."

felix has somehow scooted closer to chan, their knees now touching, and it made chan want to suck in a breath and hold it, too afraid to say anything. 

"aren't you going to say anything…? i thought we were on the same page," felix whispers, suddenly scared. "chan… i like you."

suddenly chan feels like he's about to explode into a million pieces.

"wait, are you serious?" he rushes the words out, grabbing felix's other hand and pulling the boy closer. upon the interaction, the younger aussie giggles, and chan can feel it bounce around him as felix nods excitedly. "you like me?"

another nod. "of course i do. you're my best friend." chan's heart drops. "i think i've been in love with you since we became friends, chris."

the way his name rolls off his tongue in his accent makes chan's heart suddenly grow five sizes, and he wants to actually scream.  _ lee felix _ , the boy he's had a crush on for years, actually shared the feelings and wanted to have this conversation with him.

"i really started to like you when we got put in here together. these last few months have been hell, fe," he admits to him, squeezing their hands. "i talked to minho, too. that little brat didn't tell me anything about this."

"i'm going to punch him the next time i see him," felix jokes. "he told me that the only way he would help me was if i admitted that i liked you. and i was even surprised how easy that was to admit. i like you. i really do."

chills go up chan's spine, and he doesn't think that he could ever get tired of felix saying those words.  _ i like you _ . it's been so long since chan's been in love like this, and he can easily say that he's happy it's with felix.

"what do we want to do about this, then?" he decides to ask. "do we try, or are we just saying this so we can move on? i don't want to be in love with you anymore, felix, unless there's something pushing me to be."

the younger nods. "i understand. i feel the same way about that. but i… is it bad that i want to try? i know you're busy with school and you won't have much time to spend on just random occasions, but i want to fall in love with you with you right by my side."

chan grins, pulling felix closer and closer until their eyes are staring right into the other's. felix is  struggling to hold back a laugh as he stares back, the eye contact making him want to crack up and fall back into the cushions. 

"do you want to try?"

"do you have to ask me twice?" felix returns.

chan lets go of felix's hands, bringing them up to hold the younger's cheeks instead. felix practically melts at the touch, enjoying the way his best friend's hands feel. they aren't soft, they aren't rough; they feel like heaven against felix's soft face.

"can i…"

felix lets a small happy sigh out. "please."

then chan's lips are on his, and felix really melts now. chan is so soft with him, his hold on his face light but strong as he pulls him closer. felix hums and lets his eyes flutter open when they pull back, and chan sees it.

the sparkles in felix's eyes. the same ones that match his freckles, the same ones that make chan's heart do backflips. he'll do anything to see that sparkle in felix's eyes, do anything to see the boy smile and laugh.

"you're soft," felix acknowledges, poking chan's cheek. "i like it. you're gentle."

the older chuckles. "you're so small, i have to make sure i don't accidentally break you!"

felix gasps, bringing a hand up to his chest, a dramatic look overtaking his face. "i am now! how dare you say such a thing about your boyfriend! i am offended."

he knows they were just joking, but at felix calling him his boyfriend, chan can only grin, admiration overtaking him. was he really this lucky to finally admit to him? was it something he would ever regret? he doubts it. 

"let me kiss you again. i wanna see something," chan says, and felix is happy to agree. they meet halfway, and this time, chan's hand goes on the back of felix's neck as he drags him closer.

they fall back into chan's arm of the couch, pulling back before felix lands on top of the boy with a " _ oof! _ " that makes chan laugh. he wraps his arms around the smaller, and felix hesitates before resting into him.

when the next one speaks, chan is thankful it's not him. "i'm happy we're doing this. i was so scared to tell you, you know. and now i have you, and i still can't wrap it around my head. when seungmin and minho find out, they're gonna lose their shit!"

chan laughs, and he's sure it's genuine.

"i can't wait, either, bub."

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this was okay! it took me a little over two days to finish, but i'm really happy with the product. also, miroh came out last night and i stayed up and wrote bits by bits! if you enjoyed this, please tell me, i want to write more stray kids stuff :')
> 
> my twitter: https://twitter.com/tristfulchan or tristfulchan !!
> 
> thank you for reading!


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